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Personal Update
Sep. 29th, 2008 12:38 amI am:
busy -- doing some freelance work. Data entry and inventorying an estate. Most of it has already sold, so I'm just dealing with remnants, but the remnants fascinate me.
excited -- about both kinds of freelance work and the renewed sense of adventure and engagement I'm feeling.
enthusiastic -- about contributing feedback on software interface and functionality.
occasionally intimidated -- not by the objects in the estate, but by the story my unconscious mind was weaving around them. I was dreaming about generations of stability, ease, beauty, achievement, while casting my own scrappy, varied life as a story of mess, madness, inadequacy. In the absence of other information, it's easy to project the story that you most fear. Repeat that to yourself any time you're freaking out. It helps. Then list 15 other possible things that could be happening.
reassured -- because I knew a way to turn off the projector, so to speak. I did a little research and discovered more of the real story. That left me free to relish handling beautiful objects and fascinated by the personalities of the original owners. Incidentally, I find *all* family stories fascinating. This is a constant. Whatever they did, wherever they lived, however much or little education, money, or influence they had.
broke -- the gap between starting to look for work and finding it was longer than I expected. (The summer was slow, and then we've had a crash.) The gap between finding work and getting paid varies, but that can also take a while.
thinking -- a lot about social capital, chosen family, community, and group survival and changes over time.
noticing -- the changes in one of my old communities.
grieving -- the death of my dear friend Adrian. Somehow it wasn't entirely real until I went to my usual Folsom gathering, and he wasn't there.
glad -- to see a few old friends there.
sorry -- that I ended up with an asthma attack and an allergic reaction once they lit some citronella candles. It wasn't just the citronella. I can no longer tolerate any candles burning. Which sucks.
ecstatic -- about the two scenes I did with![[livejournal.com profile]](http://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
gramina. Dear God, I *need* to play hard, and playing hard is one of the activities that fulfills and defines me. Like writing, like spending time in beautiful countryside, like baking (which includes making fresh tortillas).
sorry -- I didn't make it to the fair at all this year. I spent the day sleeping off my antihistamines.
hopeful -- about many things. I dealt well with my own weirdness. That's one of the big secrets of life. You can't always eliminate it, but you can manage it.
I've been doing good work. I love work -- it gives me a sense of power and well-being -- but the work must have meaning of some sort. And I also need to balance it with rest and solitude. I think I am getting there.
I have made my way into my own community -- I have woven strands from everywhere. That's powerful and good, and I like being able to do that. And I *learned* to do that. I learned the essential social skills. I did the work on myself in therapy and did the work with the people I've connected with.
My life is good. How is yours?
busy -- doing some freelance work. Data entry and inventorying an estate. Most of it has already sold, so I'm just dealing with remnants, but the remnants fascinate me.
excited -- about both kinds of freelance work and the renewed sense of adventure and engagement I'm feeling.
enthusiastic -- about contributing feedback on software interface and functionality.
occasionally intimidated -- not by the objects in the estate, but by the story my unconscious mind was weaving around them. I was dreaming about generations of stability, ease, beauty, achievement, while casting my own scrappy, varied life as a story of mess, madness, inadequacy. In the absence of other information, it's easy to project the story that you most fear. Repeat that to yourself any time you're freaking out. It helps. Then list 15 other possible things that could be happening.
reassured -- because I knew a way to turn off the projector, so to speak. I did a little research and discovered more of the real story. That left me free to relish handling beautiful objects and fascinated by the personalities of the original owners. Incidentally, I find *all* family stories fascinating. This is a constant. Whatever they did, wherever they lived, however much or little education, money, or influence they had.
broke -- the gap between starting to look for work and finding it was longer than I expected. (The summer was slow, and then we've had a crash.) The gap between finding work and getting paid varies, but that can also take a while.
thinking -- a lot about social capital, chosen family, community, and group survival and changes over time.
noticing -- the changes in one of my old communities.
grieving -- the death of my dear friend Adrian. Somehow it wasn't entirely real until I went to my usual Folsom gathering, and he wasn't there.
glad -- to see a few old friends there.
sorry -- that I ended up with an asthma attack and an allergic reaction once they lit some citronella candles. It wasn't just the citronella. I can no longer tolerate any candles burning. Which sucks.
ecstatic -- about the two scenes I did with
gramina. Dear God, I *need* to play hard, and playing hard is one of the activities that fulfills and defines me. Like writing, like spending time in beautiful countryside, like baking (which includes making fresh tortillas). sorry -- I didn't make it to the fair at all this year. I spent the day sleeping off my antihistamines.
hopeful -- about many things. I dealt well with my own weirdness. That's one of the big secrets of life. You can't always eliminate it, but you can manage it.
I've been doing good work. I love work -- it gives me a sense of power and well-being -- but the work must have meaning of some sort. And I also need to balance it with rest and solitude. I think I am getting there.
I have made my way into my own community -- I have woven strands from everywhere. That's powerful and good, and I like being able to do that. And I *learned* to do that. I learned the essential social skills. I did the work on myself in therapy and did the work with the people I've connected with.
My life is good. How is yours?